I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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