Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
