They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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