this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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