end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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