When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
