it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
