Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
