it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
