based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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