My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your penis caused this!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
