Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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