somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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