It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
