Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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