$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
