mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
