she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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