Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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