May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
