I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
