I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
