he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
