OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
