just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
