I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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