I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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