K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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