do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
