I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
where are you?
Hypothermia
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
