ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
