dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
