so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
