There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
