I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
