Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
