Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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