I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
