I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there's paper in my vomit.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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