you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
