if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
