Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I won the penis lottery.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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