Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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