It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
