the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
