singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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