He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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