I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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