You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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