my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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