Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
